Category: Musings

Musings

Feeling Valued

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There is a line in the movie, The Materialists, where Pedro Pascal’s character, the male love interest to Dakota Johnson’s character asks why she is with him, and she responds simply, “You make me feel valuable”.

I took a moment to savour that answer because it was so on point. It is not just applicable to romantic relationships, but friendships, the workplace; so many dynamics.

People want to be seen. They want to feel appreciated for who they are and what they bring into any of the above relationships. It is a simple sentiment.

I think that this is an issue that we are encountering right now, in many relationship dynamics. The feeling of being taken for granted or not being acknowledged for being excellent; why is that?

Is that a generational issue?

Many of my colleagues, when awards are given, trivialize it and make it seem like it is nothing. Comments like, “I win the award for being the best in my cubicle must have missed me,” are bandied around. Why is that necessary?

An award often recognizes a person’s hard work in an industry or their involvement in a cause that is important to them and that is a nice thing. Why down play the value of it?

Feeling valued in any sphere, should be encouraged, because if you feel valued, you will want to do more and be more involved, and that cannot be a bad thing.

However, we have lost the art of recognizing the value that someone brings. That can have a variety of adverse effects. It can cause one to stop trying, to not aim for excellence, and to be disinterested and disengaged; none of which are good things.

Feeling valued comes sometimes in the smallest ways. A thank you for a job well done. An acknowledgement of a great result, an appreciation for providing support ….it’s pretty simple.

However, there seems to be this pervasive sentiment that thanking someone for their hard work or effort, minimizes the requirements expected of that individual. I am paying you for your work, aren’t I? We are friends, aren’t we?

But does saying thank you and acknowledging efforts, come with a hefty price tag? Because you said thank you, is the feeling that I will now expect a raise, or a promotion; is that the resistance? I would welcome clarity on this.

I am not sure how we reached the extremes, but like everyday life things – it is really quite simple.

Make me feel valuable and you will have my best.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Musings

Posh Spice and 50th

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So Posh has been a constant in my life. I remember the first time I heard the Spice Girls sing Wannabe and thought – this is a hit! In a talent show, doing a Spice Girl parody, you guessed it – I played Posh. I mean we have so much in common LOL. But seriously – from one Taurus to another and born in the same year, I started looking to Posh Spice for shared milestone birthday celebrations and life journeys.

My husband and I recently watched the David Beckham documentary on Netflix and we really enjoyed and were inspired by his story and his life’s approach. And you can see that he and Posh have a great connection. They tease, support and love each other and even through the ups and downs, they have remained dedicated to their relationship and their family. And the follow up with the Uber delivery/eats Super Bowl commercial, carried through the teasing from the documentary, which was great. Looking forward to her documentary!

And so as Posh marks her 50th birthday, I have to say, that what has always resonated about her with me, is that she seems very comfortable with who she is, and her goals and aspirations. She has had a lot of people speak about her – both positive and negative and she seems to take it in stride, which is something I am working on. She is also extremely disciplined in terms of her health and she looks fabulous. She would definitely be someone I would love to meet at a dinner party and hear her anecdotes. She has lived her life and she definitely owns it all, yet maintains a serene joy, which I admire.

And ofcourse – her style. Although different from mine, she knows what works for her and is committed to that. I like that confidence.

And I love that she has fully leaned into her 50th birthday celebration. With my milestone fast approaching, I have felt hesitant about how to personally celebrate it. Both of my parents are deceased and that plays a part. On my drive today, I realized that I did not have those ancestors to direct me on my journey as I age. I cannot look at them, for markers nor do I have their support or foundation. Especially from my Mom. She was strict with me – there is no doubt. But she really was my greatest cheerleader. She was present in my life at all times, even when she became sick, and I valued her presence and influence. As indicated before, whenever I have a special moment in my life, I ensure that I wear a piece of jewellery or accessory from my Mom, so that I feel her presence with me. On these types of moments, there is a feeling of being bereft without this presence. And it definitely plays a part in how I will be feeling. She taught me to laugh loudly, wear bright colours proudly, celebrate sarcasm and teasing and to never shy away from standing tall and being bold; lessons I continue to carry with me.

I have a lot to be thankful for and I will ensure, that will be the focus on this next chapter on the horizon.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Musings

Moments that touch you

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I always thought about pursuing a career in the arts – specifically drama and singing. I was strongly interested in both. But my biggest issue was not being confident in my abilities and therefore, holding myself back when performing. This was in part, because the criticism was quite crushing to me. That issue of holding myself back, translated into me not properly providing the emotion necessary for the song. Because although I may have been technically perfect, the art of performance really comes down to connecting with your audience. Making them feel the emotions that you are performing. 

Again – it is not a science, but an art. 

But being the recipient of touching performances has definitely been something that has stirred me throughout my life. My dad used to automatically know what would cause me to cry and would teasingly say to me, let me see your face, knowing that it would be tear soaked.

And as anything, those moments where you are so caught up in the emotion, are truly moving and memorable moments. 

I had one such moment last night. I was watching the final 9 performances of The Voice, and there was one performance that really touched me. Lila Forde, provided her rendition of Canadian great Joni Mitchell’s The River. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkEmtjw02o8 

I have always admired Joni’s work, but this was the first time that this song really struck a chord with me. And that is the beauty of the arts, isn’t it? Sometimes, your life experiences or where you are in a particular moment of time, causes you to have a different reaction to a song, than in previous instances. This was one of those moments. I have heard the song many times before, but this particular performance really touched me, to the point where I am a bit embarrassed, that I had a little sobbing session. I don’t know what triggered that reaction, but it was like I was hearing the words of the song for the first time and for the first time, I understood and related to the lyrics:

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don’t snow here
It stays pretty green
I’m going to make a lot of money
Then I’m going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I’m so hard to handle
I’m selfish and I’m sad
Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby say goodbye

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
Singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

https://lyrics.lyricfind.com/en-GB/lyrics/joni-mitchell-river

Part of it has been that this is the first year where I am having a hard time connecting to the Christmas spirit. In part, the state of the world. In part, how busy things have been. In part…..everything? 

And for the first time after hearing that song, I wished “I had a river I could skate away on” just to find some peace. And so for me, this song and specifically this performance, really resonated with me. And it seemed to for others, because John Legend, Lila’s coach, started crying when he was providing his feedback, because he was very moved as well. And that is powerful, isn’t it? That we can have that stirring of emotions from a performance and it strikes a universal chord – there is something uniting in that. 

It is probably why concert venues are at capacity – we are all looking for a shared emotional connection, especially after the pandemic and especially with everything going on in the world.

And so – I am thankful for the arts and these moments of feeling an intense emotional connection to a performance, that transcends all!

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#The River #Joni Mitchell #Lila Forde