There is a line in the movie, The Materialists, where Pedro Pascal’s character, the male love interest to Dakota Johnson’s character asks why she is with him, and she responds simply, “You make me feel valuable”.
I took a moment to savour that answer because it was so on point. It is not just applicable to romantic relationships, but friendships, the workplace; so many dynamics.
People want to be seen. They want to feel appreciated for who they are and what they bring into any of the above relationships. It is a simple sentiment.
I think that this is an issue that we are encountering right now, in many relationship dynamics. The feeling of being taken for granted or not being acknowledged for being excellent; why is that?
Is that a generational issue?
Many of my colleagues, when awards are given, trivialize it and make it seem like it is nothing. Comments like, “I win the award for being the best in my cubicle must have missed me,” are bandied around. Why is that necessary?
An award often recognizes a person’s hard work in an industry or their involvement in a cause that is important to them and that is a nice thing. Why down play the value of it?
Feeling valued in any sphere, should be encouraged, because if you feel valued, you will want to do more and be more involved, and that cannot be a bad thing.
However, we have lost the art of recognizing the value that someone brings. That can have a variety of adverse effects. It can cause one to stop trying, to not aim for excellence, and to be disinterested and disengaged; none of which are good things.
Feeling valued comes sometimes in the smallest ways. A thank you for a job well done. An acknowledgement of a great result, an appreciation for providing support ….it’s pretty simple.
However, there seems to be this pervasive sentiment that thanking someone for their hard work or effort, minimizes the requirements expected of that individual. I am paying you for your work, aren’t I? We are friends, aren’t we?
But does saying thank you and acknowledging efforts, come with a hefty price tag? Because you said thank you, is the feeling that I will now expect a raise, or a promotion; is that the resistance? I would welcome clarity on this.
I am not sure how we reached the extremes, but like everyday life things – it is really quite simple.
Make me feel valuable and you will have my best.
But that’s just one Diva’s view.
Diva's View 
I thank you for this thought-provoking post that highlights so many dimensions of “valuation.”
Does one still feel valued, if expecting and receiving a responsive acknowledgement or, does one feel more valued if receiving an unexpected/unsolicited compliment.
Personally, I believe the content is more important than style; intent is more meaningful than how it is communicated. As you state, “sentiment” is key. It is common to witness most consumers “thank” a server in a restaurant or a cashier at the check-out counter in auto mode, without even making eye contact. How can such behaviour make the recipient feel (more)valued?
You are right in pointing out “Many of my colleagues, when awards are given, trivialize it and make it seem like it is nothing.”
I had commented on this from another perspective in my blog
https://wealthisnotmoney.com/2017/05/27/marketing-oneself/
Seeking or expecting to be valued defeats its very purpose.
A hug, a touch, a look or just mouthing a “thank you” when it is least or not expected, goes a long way.
At the risk of sounding patronizing and politically incorrect, I genuinely appreciated a server’s elaborate hairstyle in a restaurant and he was first, taken aback and then grinned as he realized I genuinely meant it! On another occasion, I told a cashier that she had the most engaging smile that shone through her eyes, not just on her lips. “Aww, only my mother says this to me. Thank you so much! Can I give you a hug?”
Keep writing and generating such ripples of change – thank YOU!
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Thank you for your response and comments. It all comes down to whether it is genuine. No one wants an acknowledgement just because it is the proper thing to do or is expected – you want a genuine acknowledgement. So a compliment, when meant genuinely again makes someone feel seen.
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