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Really?

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I was recently at a business meeting.  Let me preface this by stating that I have not slept properly for a few days, due to my children being sick, waking up in the middle of the night….you name it, I have been dealing with it.  Knowing that I had this meeting, I may have overcompensated with the make-up, which instead of masking my fatigue, highlighted it!  Tip to self – watch more youtube videos on covering dark patches under one’s eyes.

My colleague sitting beside me commented that I looked tired, to which I retorted, that he really needed a course on compliments.  However, my other colleague in attendance commented that I looked like I had a “glow”, to which I suggestively touched my stomach playfully commenting, “well, you know…..”.  We were just bantering in fun, when a senior colleague responded in dismay, “You are not pregnant, are you?  You already have 3; aren’t you done?”

Let’s parse this out, shall we.  Part one; “You are not pregnant, are you?”  As if this was the worst thing that could happen.  As if my senior colleague is privy to my private family  planning discussions with my partner.  As if my senior colleague has the right to be in disbelief.  As if my senior colleague has the right to an opinion on this.

Part two;  “You already have three”.  As if there is a limit on how many children a professional woman can have.  As if 3 is too much as it is.  As if my senior colleague has the right to an opinion on this.

Part three; “Aren’t you done?” As if I am being greedy, selfish, idiotic, (insert any number of adjectives) by suggesting the possibility of a 4th child.  As if my senior colleague has the right to an opinion on this.

All of this in 2017.  And the senior colleague; a she, not a he.   Did that surprise you?

And as I think about how to raise to her, in private, why she should never make the following comments in public, let alone at a business meeting, it just reinforces that we may pretend to be progressive and forward thinking, but at the root of it, we still carry and perpetuate stereotypes, which we still feel free to publicly vocalize.

In this day and age, where we appear to pay lip service to diversity and sexuality, isn’t it ironic that we still cannot wrap our minds around professional woman having a family, and it not being a hindrance to her career?

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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Not your point of view…but don’t diminish it

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Recently, at one of our company’s very liberal, semi regular “women’s meetings”, we were having a discussion about whether styles in delegation are gender specific.  And it has been my experience, that gender is not as paramount anymore regarding delegation styles, but what is dominant is personality and management style and these traits are not gender specific.

In response to my comment, one of the meeting’s organizers immediately stated authoratatively that not one woman at our company, in a management position, would delegate in an autocratic manner.  And because I did not want to be confrontational, the response was made and we moved on to the next person.

However, I knew immediately, from looking around the boardroom table, those “autocratic” delegators knew who they were and those who had been on the receiving end, knew who they were.  But no one wanted to call anyone out.  And in hindsight, I should have should, “that may not be your experience, but not for everyone”.  Because I did not want to be that person……the person who is constantly trying to hold a mirror up to others or teach them the error of their ways.  The one thing I have learned, much like the Danish Law of Jante, Rule 10 – You’re not to think you can teach anyone anything.  

But the meeting did leave me sad.  Have we really not evolved to being able to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and see the world, if only for a moment, from their point of view?  Just because someone has never experienced sexism, racism, classism, shadism or any other type of “ism”, does not make it “not so”.  But unilaterally stating that it has not been your experience – what does that contribute to the discussion?  Does it not really just shut the discussion down?

Given all that is going on in the world right now, I think that different points of views have to be acknowledged and heard.  Because it is too easy to get stuck in your own lane, and forget that you are surrounded by millions of others on their own journey who have a different point of view.

That’s just one Diva’s view.