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Summer night in Toronto and nostalgia

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A client of mine was leaving her company and so I was invited for drinks at her goodbye party in downtown Toronto last night. Just for context, we live in a suburb outside of Toronto. On a good traffic day, the commute into Toronto can be anywhere from 30-40 minutes. On a bad day, well over an hour.

So, it can sometimes be agonizing about deciding going into the City. But I decided to go and as expected, given the time of day, it took me well over an hour. But I worked in downtown Toronto for almost 25 years and once I get into the City, I am always at ease.

I had a lovely time at the goodbye party, catching up with clients and colleagues in the industry. It was at The Keg on York Street. I used to work in the building adjacent to The Keg and was there at its soft and grand opening, where their drink prices were reflective of the year The Keg first opened (1971). I have had many great get togethers there, first dates (it was close to where I worked) and I was remembering all of that throughout the night.

After the event ended, I decided to take a walk and refamiliarize myself with the downtown core. I am in Toronto a lot, but typically for work and events and I never get a chance to amble, so I did. And it was the perfect summer’s night. Not too hot, the bustle of people leaving work had trickled out and there were other strollers, just enjoying the night.

The patios were full to the brim, because of course, it was a Thursday night and was lovely people watching. I walked by restaurants with new names, where once upon a time, I used to meet like clockwork every week, to catch up over drinks with my fellow crew of young lawyers. We talked about everything under the sun, and tried new martinis and drinks, still figuring out our favourites.

New buildings, where old familiar buildings once had been. When I made partner at my previous firm, right after the partnership meeting, a group of partners took me out to celebrate at Hy’s, a highly regarded steakhouse. Its location has since moved and as I walked by its former and new locations, I remembered the celebratory feeling of that night and the support for those who attended. It was a special night.

I ran across King Street Carrie Bradshaw style, to see if my favourite doughnut store was still open, and it was. I picked up a dozen for the family and then returned to my stroll. I decided to walk up to Old City Hall, because I had seen that there was an art show, and I wanted to see if it was still ongoing.

When I first moved to Toronto, I lived just up the street from Old City Hall, and it always had something going on in the summer. I moved from London, Ontario, to downtown Toronto, with the help of 2 great friends in the summer of 2000. I had next to no money, because I had to pay for a month of a bar admission’s course, before I started my articling year and had no sources of income during that time. So, it was super hard that first month in Toronto being surrounded by great restaurants, and people going out for drinks. For the first time in my life, I lived on my credit card and it was not a nice feeling.

So when I wanted to do something fun without spending money, I would end up walking through Old City Hall, to see what performance or exhibit they had and this remains to date. There would be farmer’s markets, art exhibits, cultural shows and exhibits – always something going on. But current day, unfortunately, as I arrived, the art exhibit was closing up and I missed it.

So I drove home, again, passing through a different part of Toronto. John Street was always the life of the party and it has not changed. I drove by the building where I threw my 30th birthday party and remembered the great time I had that night. By that point, I could afford to throw a party and invite my friends to celebrate in style. Another great memory.

And when I got home, the house was empty. My husband had taken the kids out and I had the place to myself, which is an odd occurrence. I decided to take advantage, and after cleaning up, I changed into comfy clothes, got a speaker and moved to the deck, where I turned out the deck lights and sat, page turning magazines, sipping on some ginger ale and enjoying the beautiful summer night from a different perspective. When the family returned, one daughter stayed out with me, while the other found the doughnuts, and she and I listened to music and talked.

We watched this fun video of a group of musicians performing Star Gazing by Myles Smith (https://www.tiktok.com/@juliencohen_piano/video/7525204753165454614) and we looked up to find the first star of the night.

The perfect moment on a perfect night.

But that’s just one Diva’s view!

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Fireball Candy

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I just finished watching Our Friends and Neighbours with John Hamm. I highly recommend it. I finished the last episode yesterday after a busy day and had been saving it as a treat. It delivered. In one of the episodes, Coop (John Hamm’s character) goes to his ex-wife’s milestone birthday party thrown by her current boyfriend. The gift table is full of designer wrapped presents, but his present is in a crumpled paper bag, and this is the present that his ex opens first to discover that it is full of her favourite candy, Fireballs.

When I was young, my Mom would take me to our local library at least once a week. In the summer, we would walk there. The path we took allowed us to walk past 2 convenience stores, which were across the street from one another. We knew both owners, and what treat I could afford or get, determined which convenience store we would be attending.

But the big treat for me, were Fireballs. They were a cinnamon jaw breaker, which would take a while to break, especially because the cinnamon made them so spicy, at least for me and my Mom. And my Mom could eat spicy food. We would often keep our wrappers and place the Fireball back inside to give our mouth a break. It honestly was my favourite candy, but it was expensive. One Fireball was 25 cents. For 25 cents, you could get taffy, penny candy and various gummy candy. So to spend 25 cents for one candy, was a big deal. But it always delivered and made the walk back and forth to the library, which was my home away from home, so much fun.

This week-end, my firm had our retreat at Niagara on the Lake. I have a favourite bakery, where I always buy almond tarts. But as I was ambling along the main strip, I decided to pop into the candy store and asked for Fireballs. I was admonished and told that they are no longer referred to as Fireballs and was directed to the back, where I found a package of candy called, FIREBALLS. Nevertheless, I was super happy. I had not had a Fireball candy in forever. Although the candies were much smaller than when I was a kid, I was eagerly looking forward to that spicy taste of the jaw breaker. After the jaw breaker broke, you would have a wonderful gum to soothe your mouth.

And so I had my Fireball candy……..and it was not the same at all. The cinnamon had been toned down, and the gum inside was not good and I was terribly disappointed.

And I came to realize that I was trying to recreate a memory, which often cannot be replicated. The taste and experience I had with my Mom, who I was missing, is something to be cherished as a memory from the past. I could never fully go back to that happy childhood moment. And with that realization, I tried to enjoy my new Fireball experience.

And it did not deliver.

Sometimes, you can’t go back and that’s OK; the memories sustain us.

But that’s just one Diva’s view!

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Homeward Bound, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and World Music

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I was very fortunate to grow up in a home that introduced me to all genres of music and develop an appreciation of international sounds.

One of my favourites to listen on on the 8 track player (I know I am dating myself), was Simon and Garfunkel. They were the perfect duo – the songwriter and the voice. Their melodies were captivating and their lyrics were thought provoking. However, I am typically, first and foremost a melody person. The lyrics are generally secondary for me. But Homeward Bound, was the perfect combination of the 2. I would listen to the live version a lot, and lyrics such as the below stayed with me:

Tonight I’ll sing my songs again
I’ll play the game and pretend
But all my words come back to me
In shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony
I need someone to comfort me

Shades of mediocrity…….the perfection of the phrase still resonates with me more than 40 years later from when I first heard it.

But what is equally as drawing to me is the melody and harmony. I love it and recently watched Sabrina Carpenter and Paul Simon do their own rendition of Homeward Bound, which was original in its own right. The harmonizing was great.

Again, for me, the melody, harmonizing and instrumentation have always been really compelling for me and I believe that originates from a love of South Asian music. I grew up listening to classical singers riffing off of the scales and creating beautiful ragas without any words. We sang as a family – my Dad’s influence and we sang English, and Bengali songs. I sang my first solo of a Bengali song when I was five, with my Dad accompanying me on the harmonium.

When I was older, I started listening to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, a popular Pakistani singer, known for  qawwali, a form of Sufi devotional music. Again, I do not understand what he is saying and yet, the music has always been deeply moving for me. I imagine being able to play the harmonium, while someone of his caliber is singing. It would be a dream come true.

Jagjit and Chitra Singh also continue to provide me comfort, with their beautiful ghazals.

And now, isn’t it great the range of music we can hear from all type of backgrounds and countries? One of my favourite tracks this past year was APT, a song about a Koren drinking game featuring Rose (from Korean super group Black Pink – LOVE!!) and Bruno Mars. Calm Down by Rema and Selena Gomez remains on rotation for my playlist and I adore all of the AfroBeats I hear. Bad Bunny is perfection and again, I don’t understand what he is singing, but I love it.

At my kids’ school, they listened to French Pop Music and had to vote for their favourite tracks with songs battling each other until the winner was chosen. The kids would play their favourite songs and we provided our picks as a family. And again, the French tracks were a mix of African influences, reggae, dance, rap, traditional; it was eclectic.

In a world where there is a lot of divide, I am glad that we have music, to allow us unity and joy, no matter its origins.

But that’s just one Diva’s view!

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Cardinals

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When I was growing up, after my Grandmother on my Mom’s side passed away, whenever we saw a cardinal, my Mom would say that it was my Grandmother coming to check on us. And so Cardinals became a special bird for us. Whenever I would see one, I truly felt that it was my Grandmother, who I admired greatly.

After my kids were born, I passed on that belief to them. And when my Mother passed away, whenever they saw a Cardinal, they truly believed it was my Mom coming to visit. Whenever they see one, they say, Hi Grandma and try to get her attention. It makes us feel connected to her spirit and feel protected that she is watching over us.

In my kitchen, we have a cardinal suncatcher and over our patio door, I have a small painting of my Mom and I sitting facing the horizon, with a cardinal watching over us. I see it everyday. It gives me peace.

This past Christmas, I received one of the nicest and most thoughtful presents ever. My kids, who are getting old enough to buy little presents, got me a special present. They bought me a snow globe with a cardinal in it. Honestly, as I opened it, I started crying because of their thoughtfulness and knowing how meaningful it would be, it truly moved me. I have the snow globe on my bedside table and I see it everyday also.

And on my recent birthday, as I was opening the curtain to our living room first thing in the morning, there was a cardinal waiting for me in our front tree. It just sat there looking at me. And I turned into a kid and waved at it and started telling the cardinal all about the kids and the family, to catch her up. Mid sentence, in my soliloquy the cardinal flew off. I was so disappointed, because I had so much more to share. But I was joyful, because I got such a special visit for my birthday.

In honour of my Mom, my brother and I make a donation to a Shelter in her name. On my birthday this year, they sent a card thanking for the donation on my Mom’s behalf. I felt like it was a special message from my Mom, proud that we are honouring her legacy. I truly do try to live up to her legacy and her dreams for me; they are such a directing force for me.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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Pump up the volume

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Pump up the volume by MARRS was a popular song in the late 80s, specifically, 1987. I heard it this morning on my drive into work and I had not heard this song in forever. It was a 1 hit wonder for MARRS and for me, it was a pretty memorable song.

Now you have to contextualize the time period. During that time, music in North America was pretty Western and did not have any international influences. Growing up, because of my South Asian and Caribbean heritage, we always had music playing from India and Trinidad. South Asian music was a mix of Indian, Calypso, Arabic, Russian; influences from around the world and this shaped my musical palette. There was a song that my Dad used to song, which was a Russian melody with Hindi or Bengali lyrics. Growing up, I learned that Hindi movies were popular worldwide, and especially in Arabic countries and Russia. It was not until this century, that South Asian music became more universally accepted in North America.

However, in the 80, there was Pump up the Volume. It was a dance song, which definitely attracted the ear of this middle schooler. But on top of this, it had this really cool break with an Arabic singer, which was innovative. Although kids at my school could not tell the difference between cultures and often asked me to translate what was being said, I honestly did not take offence; I was just happy to hear something different, yet familiar, in a song.

Now we take for granted the fusion we hear in music, but in the late 80s, this track stood out. On top of that, it was a well produced song, with a strong drum rhythm and listening to it this morning, I was still moving and grooving.

I love that today, our music has become more global. I love all of the influences and particularly enjoy the Afro Beats and Latin influences. To the embarrassment of my kids, I love K Pop and my fave song during the Holiday break was APT, about a Korean drinking game.

I hope that acceptance of global music can transcend in other ways…..

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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Wicked, books and rant – oh my!

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I grew up loving The Wizard of Oz. I was fortunate to play Dorothy in our public school’s production and therefore, have known the entire script since the time that I was 9 years of age (we used the original MGM script). And so, I had another full circle moment, when I took my girls to see Wicked, the prequel, on the week-end. I had seen the Wicked stage production many moons ago, but there was something special seeing the new Wicked movie with my girls. We had a blast and I have been playing Defying Gravity non stop on my commute and at home.

The words really speak to me, because I have been dealing with an issue, and I find the words very inspiring. I pushed back against the status quo and instead of engaging in a healthy discussion, I was just immediately shot down and basically told to know my place. It was an upsetting exchange because it was not private. It stung.

And listening to the lyrics in Defying Gravity, make me feel understood:

I’m through accepting limits
‘Cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But ’til I try, I’ll never know

Because the exchange described above was draining, and I am at a place where I am mindful about conserving my energy and being selective on how it is used. And I now find that I have to give myself a pep talk going into a lot of meetings because although I would like to stay quiet, I cannot because that would not be true to me. And it would not be true to the future I would like my kids to encounter and the changes I would like to see enacted to make things better. And so I steel myself, because although we would like to think that we are at a time where diversity is embraced and the people are my mindful of others, at the end of the day, it is a live issue and I see more back sliding than forward motion.

Perhaps I will be playing Defying Gravity in advance of meetings, as my pep song? It will take the place of Eye of the Tiger; I will keep you posted!

However, the other thing that stood out to me about Wicked, was a particular scene, that caused me to quickly groan. If you are South Asian and have seen the movie, you will know what I am talking about. But for those of you who are not, when I was growing up, I was taught to be respectful of the written word, in any form; newspaper, book, magazine – it was to be respected. And in our culture, the highest form of disrespect would be to put your foot on a book. As a child, not stepping on books was instilled in me as a form of respect for knowledge, and it is a tradition that has been passed on to my kids. We do not steps on books!

So when I watched the musical number in Wicked, where they are in the library, and are stepping and dancing on books, I gasped and had a hard time watching it. And when I went on social media, and saw that it was a common observation of many South Asians, I felt a sense of community.

Oh well – you can’t please everyone. It still did not take away my enjoyment of watching Wicked.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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Navigating friendships at this stage in life

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Because my home life growing up was quite unstable, I took a lot of comfort in the stability of my friends. I was blessed, in my early tween years, to develop friendships with a core group, who remain close friends to date. I have always felt blessed to have this circle around me. During school, we had so many shared experiences and as we all went our separate ways post high school, we would always return and find time to hang out together. We have been to each other’s weddings, 2 in the group even marrying, the birth of kids, illnesses and dealing with aging parents – we have remained there for each other.

But I have also developed other circle of friends, as one does, throughout my life. And I have to say that I was spoiled from my initial group. I truly believed that given the precedent set, that friendships remain forever. How naive. And throughout university and while working, I have learned to navigate the loss of friendships for no other reason than these people decided or due to circumstances, to move on.

The drifting, to me, is natural. But there have been a couple of instances, where a person, has made the decision that our friendship, is no longer a benefit to them and therefore, it has stopped. There were no conversations or explanations, as one has in a break up, with a significant other. The friend just stopped responding to invitations and stopped communications. In those instances, it used to cause a lot of angst and a lot of internal questioning as to whether there was something that I had done. As I have become older, I honestly have come to realize (but it was a process), that the ending of friendships, was natural, a choice of the other person and likely had nothing really to do with me, but with that person and what they needed in their life. What persons or friends, were necessary for who they are now, as we all evolve and change.

In one friend group of 5, one friend made the decision to remove herself from the circle. We collectively kept inviting her to events, reaching out and having discussions about this friend. I was the one who finally said that I did not want to keep rehashing this topic. If the friend wanted to rejoin, they could and had all of our contact information. But if an event was being planned for me, then I no longer wanted an invitation sent to this person, because too much time had passed, and it seemed disingenuous, to keep making an effort, after years of no effort from this friend. The lack of reciprocity did not sit well with me. And so any discussions about this other person have stopped and I have to say, that this revised circle, has remained strong.

But I am now at a crossroads. I celebrated a milestone birthday this year and have been involved in self reflection about who and what I need, to surround myself with, going forward. And I have started to realize, that based on loyalty to the concept of friendship, I have maintained certain relationships, when they no longer enrich my life and in fact, just the opposite, they bring a level of stress and dislike to my life. And now I am at a point, for the first time, where I am deciding whether I need to start distancing myself from certain people.

It has been in the making for some time, but I am truly a Taurus, and loyalty is important to us. It is a key characteristic. And so this has been at times, divisive, but at other times, decisive. I am at a stage in life, where I no longer feel the need to fit in, but am proud of being my unique self. And I have started to speak more freely about things that I had previously been quiet about, because it did not reflect the collective of the friend group. And there have been moments of shock in response, where honestly, friends had never thought to see the world through my lens and when they did, realized, that I indeed, do have a different narrative from them. We have been so focused on our collective similarities, that the differences became muted. But that started to feel unnatural to me. If these friends are going to remain in my life, then shouldn’t it be because they want to be friends with the true me?

And I have always found that I have celebrated others wins and I strongly believe in lifting those around me, because, that brings me peace. However, I am starting to notice that those friends who relationships I am questioning, are (so uncomfortable using this word) jealous about certain aspects of me. Oprah has been talking about the fact that if there is jealousy in the dynamic, then there cannot be true friendship and I am really starting to see the truth in those words. Many of my friends have come from more affluent starts and have had opportunities different than mine. And although I recognized those realities, I never begrudged those opportunities. Instead, again, from my original circle, we just always celebrated each other. Simple and easy.

However, that mindset has not always been present with other friend groups and that feeling of being scrutinized and constantly assessed, is not a dynamic I want in my life any longer. I also don’t want a constant negative aspect in my life. I have a few friends who whatever stage in life they are in, report back the challenges and the negativity and it become the focus of all conversations. I understand the need to vent in friendships – trust me I do. But one’s life cannot always be at its worst and hardest. That level of negativity, is also a dynamic, I no longer want around me.

I want honesty, trust and comfort to be one’s self, but if one’s self is always focused on the negative, then I think that I am out, for now.

And so, do I drift away, or do I explain my decision, to those people, who I no longer see benefitting me? I am still working on this aspect.

Adulting is hard – I am waiting for it to get easier.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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Music Association

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When I moved to residence for undergrad, this guy on moving day, played the song, No Rain, by Blind Melon, on repeat. Whenever I hear that song, I remember what it was like to have my first taste of independence. Up until that time, I had lived at home with very strict parents and had very limited social experiences. And as I moved into a dorm, I knew that this would all change. I remember finding a grocery store, and buying food my parents had never allowed : Chef Boyardee canned pasta, Sugared Cereal, and bringing it back to my new temporary home, only to discover, that after the first few bites, it was not as good as I had hoped. That was the year that Snoop Dogg released his debut album, and throughout residence, we heard, Gin and Juice and What’s My Name. I had a good friend circle on our floor, and I remember one friend buying me a CD single of Whatta Man, by Salt N Peppa, featuring En Vogue. Such great memories.

When I left to start law school, I took the train. I was looking forward to the law school experience, but nervous on many different levels as well.

My brother, who is 7 years younger, was already a guitar aficionado, and had a love for British Alternative Music. And back in those days, there was no Spotify or playlists – if you wanted to share music, you made the person a mixed tape. And that is what my brother did. He made me 2 mixed tapes to listen to on my train ride to London and for law school. And that is just what I did on that train ride – I listened to the amazing compilation of music that my brother introduced me to – Oasis, Blur, The Verve, Bush – it was all great music. And different from the music I typically listened to. And as the various small towns zoomed by, and home sickness dawned, my brother’s music comforted me. I still have those tapes. That music is still very comforting to me. It still brings me back to the train, every time.

And in my first year of law school, I shared a townhouse with my childhood friend, going to Teacher’s College, her former roommate and a friend of that roommate. Our townhouse was beside a guy one year senior to me in Law School and his friends. This was the year when the Beastie Boys released, Hello Nasty and we heard the track Intergalactic, on repeat, through the walls. I became a fan.

When I was articling, my fellow student shared his Stevie Wonder CD compilation with me, and it was life changing. I had always been a Stevie Wonder fan, but having access to that enormous library of great music, was such a treasured experience.

Throughout my articles and early associate years, I listened to a lot of Jazz and female jazz singers. I remember hearing the song, Stronger Than Me, by Amy Winehouse in 2003 and I was done. I ran to buy her CD and listened to that non stop. I felt that I had discovered a new find and no one I knew, was into her, but that later changed, didn’t it?

And now? Now – I go out of my way to introduce my kids to music that have been such a part of my life.

My kids and I were watching a show and I quickly asked them to identify the classical piece, and one daughter got it – Vivaldi, The Four Seasons – Spring. My heart burst with pride. Classical music has always been a constant for me, through piano, band and choir. Singing Mozart’s Requiem remains one of my favourite singing experiences. I did not have a solo – just part of the ensemble, but the beauty of that composition and the emotions it invokes, is other worldly.

And that’s what I want for my kids – the music associated with great memories. For my husband, that song is September, by Earth, Wind and Fire and because my son’s birthday falls in that month, it just makes the song sweeter for him

I am looking forward to one day hearing the soundtrack for my kids and what songs they associate with special events. The power of music. And I hope mixed into their favourites, are some songs that they associate with me.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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This Life of Mine

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I am new to the podcast world. However, I have fallen for the James Corden podcast, This Life of Mine. Even when I do not know the guest, such as some of the athletes, I am always inspired by their stories, their drive and their insights. The show comprises of each guest choosing their favourite person, place, memory, song and movie. For athletes, they are asked to choose their favourite sporting memory.

So in no particular order, I decided to tackle these questions. Often the guests comment on how difficult it is to narrow the answer down to one and agree – it is challenging. But I think that it would be interesting to determine if 10 years down the road, whether the guests still agree with their answers.

Favourite memory

I have a lot, but one that sticks with me a lot is a memory I had with my Dad. My Dad and I were very close and although we had our disagreements, we had a lot of common traits and likes. Because he was my primary caretaker when I was a toddler, he left an indelible mark on me regarding music, movies and structure. And so my memory takes me to when I was 12 or 13 years of age. We had a time share where the primary location was in Thornbury on the Georgian Bay.

We were there for a couple of weeks in the summer and I have such great memories of that time. My parents allowed my brother and I to rent Dirty Dancing, and we watched it back to back one night, after my parents went to sleep. But the memory that sticks out for me is that my Dad and I planned one morning to get up super early to jump from the docks into Georgian Bay. Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I hate cold water and that it takes me 1200 minutes to get into a pool, or body of water.

That morning, the air was crisp. We got changed quickly, so that we would not wake my Mom and brother. The sun had just risen, and it was a beautiful morning. No one else was out. My Dad jumped in first and after a brief moment of hesitation, I jumped as well. It was bone chilling but then glorious. And we swam for a while, in Georgian Bay, with the sun starting to rise over us. It was peaceful and bonding and that moment gives me a lot of comfort. It taught me that I could overcome my fears and that the reward was greater than anything that I could have imagined. And I learned that shared moments, often make for the best ones.

Favourite song

This was very challenging for me. I love music and to narrow it down to one song is very difficult. However, I wanted to choose something happy, inspiring and long lasting for me. I went with “As”, by Stevie Wonder and closely following by the interpretation by George Michel and Mary J Blige. The chorus is what always uplifts me, no matter what:

Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Always
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Always
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea
Always
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream

That last line in the chorus is just pure beauty.

And for me, even before the lyrics, the dynamic melody is essential for me. My kids will tell you that I am horrible with remembering lyrics, but I can hum the melody of any song perfectly, and place me in front of a keyboard and I can bang out the melody fairly quickly.

We played the song at our wedding. I still remember hearing the song for the first time, and the pure joy I felt. I remember watching it became a big part of the movie, The Best Man, which I love and loved the symbiosis.

When I was in law school, my classmate, Michael, who was also a George Michael fan, told me that George had re-done the song with Mary J, but it had only been released in the UK and never in North America. I searched to find a copy and when I did, I was not disappointed. And if it is playing in the car, I am not changing the station and you will see me singing along as if I were on stage with the greats!

Favourite Movie

This was a quick answer – Gandhi. As has been previously chronicled, I saw the movie when it first came out and was only 7. And again, I know that many friends take issue with the historical accuracy and the depiction of events, which I respect.

For me, it was the first time that I saw visualized, what my parents had taught me about India’s Independence and Gandhi. The majestic manner in which this movie was produced, just filled me with awe.

From the opening where Gandhi is assassinated and his funeral procession with an inspiring soundtrack by legendary Ravi Shankar, I was lost. The emotions that this movie stirred in me and still ring true.

When the men attend the March at the Salt Mines, and row after row of men are struck down without fighting back, espousing the Non Violence beliefs of Gandhi, my heart breaks every time at the injustice but I am stirred with their commitment. The indelible mark this movie left on me remains and I cannot wait to share this movie with my kids. I have it both on VHS, DVD, digital – you name it, I have a copy of it. And to contextualize the movie, I was a child of the 70’s where in Canada, India was associated with extreme poverty and slums. And there really was no representation of the South Asian experience in any media forum outside of what was being generated by India. So for this movie to be a mainstream movie, on such a large scale with bold, memorable and respectful performances, was very important for me.

Possession

The possession that is my most important treasure, is my wedding ring. So funny story – the engagement ring my husband bought to propose to me, was something he picked up while he was out at sea, so that he would have a ring. But he asked me to return it (that’s a story for another day) and he and I chose my engagement ring and wedding bands together.

At the time, it was a very unique design. What gives me joy is that it foresaw our life together. It is 3 bands, which for me, represent each of our children. In the centre, there is a round diamond, with a round circle of diamonds surrounding it. I look at the centre to represent our entire family, and the round circle encapsulating it, to be representative of my husband and I, holding our family together.

The circle represents, no end and no beginning; just the constant that we as a family are. We did not think about the symbolism when we chose it, but we must have manifested our family as a result. My husband has asked a few times, if I wanted to upgrade it and my response is always a vehement NO. The meaning that this ring holds for me on a daily basis, reinforces that the best thing in my life ever to happen, is the life I have with my husband and kids, and it truly was a dream come for me.

Favourite place

My favourite place is not one specific place, but anywhere by the water. I find water, its smell, its presence, its sound, its feel, all very soothing for my soul. When I was a kid, my Dad would always take me for walks along Lake Ontario. I would find worn down pieces of bottles, and imagine they were jewels. He would take me to the Forks of the Credit River and we would cross the River, hopping from rock to rock and feeling the water rush past.

When I was older and visited the ocean for the first time, I thought – I am home.

My first place on my own, was a condo down by the Lake. I loved going for walks along the Lake, and later when I met my husband and then had my girls, our walks and adventures there always filled all of us with such joy and happiness.

On my birthday in 2008, we were in Dubai, and I remember dipping my feet in the Perian Gulf.

Now- with my kids, whenever the weather is nice and my husband is away, the kids and I end up at the Lake, throwing rocks and skipping stones, walking along the dock and getting an ice cream. The kids love our Caribbean get aways, and we have countless photos of them on the beach, playing in the sand and enjoying the sun.

Whenever I retire, whenever that might be, being close to the water is important for me. The water gives me peace and contentment. It is my happy spot for always. And not to be morbid, but a body of water is where I would like my ashes to be spread, when I have transitioned.

Favourite Person

My favourite person was a teacher of mine – Marg-Rheta Wright. She passed away many years ago (15), but she was my favourite person and had an amazing influence on my life. When I started high school, it was her first year teaching music. She was maybe 10 years older than us. She had elfin hair, a uniquely creative wardrobe, and a heart of gold. She fascinated me. She did not see me as a South Asian girl, struggling to find her fit in the predominantly white school I attended, but she saw me as a person. Someone with musical talent. Someone who came from a challenging home life and escaped in music and doing well in all aspects of school. She saw me as someone who read voraciously, and loved all things romance and historical. She gave me opportunities to shine and to push myself out of my comfort zone. When we had to choose a new instrument, she nudged me to choose the bassoon, which was the same size as me and yet, I loved the uniqueness of accomplishing a new instrument. She gave me opportunities to work in the summer in the music room, teaching music, re-organizing the music room -whatever she could do to help. It made a difference. She would bring giant shopping bags of books for me, to read. And she made an audition tape for me and application and sent it to a performing Arts school in New York, where I was accepted. And she came to my home and spoke to my Dad, knowing our family dynamics and advocated for me, even though we both knew the opportunity was not going to happen. And later, when I was in university, and she decided to go back and get her Masters in Arizona and assist Lorna Luft, Judy Garland’s half sister, she became a friend and spoke to me as if I were an equal. She never spoke down to me. She always believed in me. She was there at my wedding and I was there at her funeral.

It was the first time I opened up about what my home life was like to anyone and she never judged me or defined me by it. She consoled me and would always give my Mom a big hug when she saw her and was strong, but respectful when dealing with my Dad. She made me feel safe and that really helped me become me. Because she made me believe in me, my gifts, my talents and my future. She was such an important teacher for so many of us and she truly made her gift her vocation; being a true teacher.

So those are my choices. A lot of reflection and selection. It was definitely challenging but was a fascinating exercise, one which I encourage you to take.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

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My fascination with the Arts

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One of my favourite memories growing up was listening to my parents share stories about growing up in India and Trinidad. There was something so fulfilling to learn about our history and ancestry and it definitely shaped who I am. My Mom shared stores of her fearlessness, climbing mango trees to the very top and roaming around in the countryside- they were inspiring.

However, one of the stories I was fascinated with growing up, was from my Dad. He was born in Calcutta and was a young boy during Partition in India. Calcutta was one of the cities which experienced a lot of strife and division and the State of Bengal was divided with half remaining in India and the other half, to form East Pakistan, later known as Bangladesh. My grandfather owned one of the first Bata shoe companies in India, and had gone to the Czech Republic, for training, before opening the store. However, as a result of Partition, the store was burned down. There was no insurance and the family was struggling as a result.

The folklore is that my Dad was on the verandah singing, when a movie director was walking by and heard him. He was looking to cast a young boy in a movie and my Dad was chosen. It was the answer to the family’s financial problems. My Dad was pulled out of school and made this film. The money was used to rebuild the family business. My Dad’s love of movies, was born and then passed down to me. However, my Dad did not get to enjoy the earnings, and he was asked to leave the school he was attending at the time, because he missed so much school to do the movie. The experience really fostered in my Dad a reliance on self education and constant learning, but I digress.

My Dad’s cousin brother, lived in the family compound. He went onto become a huge Bollywood star and growing up, we used to watch him in both Hindi and Bengali movies. Hindi movies were iconic for us, growing up and to know that we had a relative who was a movie star was “mind blasting”. We learned one of his songs, which we would perform and became one of my favourites – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kru9g_K5IPo

And from there and this legacy, my fascination for movies and the Arts was born. As previously described, I love movies. I love the process of making movies and learning about the origins of the movies, the production process, the direction of the movie by the Director and the actors. I love to hear the stories about the process about making the movie – the trials and tribulations and then I devour the promotion of the movie, the opening etc.. I love music and I don’t think a single day has gone by without music in my life. I love singing and enjoying great performances – it is soul fuelling.

It is curious because I was bit by the performing bug early on. My Dad would have me performing at cultural shows from the time that I was 4 before an audience of 200 plus people. My dance performances left much to be desired, by my singing and acting performances, really allowed my inner creativity to shine! I participated in school musicals and plays and was very active with our school’s music program- both singing and instrument wise. My Music teacher actually made an application for me to a New York Performing Arts school and I was accepted. But I knew that as much as my Dad loved this world, my parents would not support me pursuing this as a vocation. I had to be sensible and choose an occupation which would give me a steadier path and so I chose the career I have now, with no regrets.

But my choice in vocation did not temper my fascination for the Arts. I find the Arts and the creative process so fascinating. I find for me, music, movies and the history to be meditative, because I can immerse myself in it so fully, that my mind actually shuts down and enjoys the beauty. It is my escape. I have tried to learn to knit, sew or garden as beautifully as my Mom did, but it must have skipped a generation. It definitely did because my Son is right now focused on growing his Cherry Tomato plant. But I am so lucky that I have my passion for music and movies. It really allows me to keep my creativity going and given the chaos in the world, isn’t it nice to have an escape?

But that’s just one Diva’s view.