Feeling of Despair

I was listening this morning to the Breakfast Club on Flow 93.5 where callers were talking about the Breonna Taylor grand jury decision, the lack of police charges and the feeling of despair being felt by black women. One black female caller said it best – where and when have I ever had the opportunity to feel “safe”? That saddened me beyond belief.

The quote that has been resurrected at this time is by Malcolm X, “The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” How ironic that a quote from 1962 is as on point today as it was then!

We have been speaking about this case at home and have not shied away from discussing it with our young children. And to see the look of disbelief on their faces that someone could be shot, while sleeping in their bed, without any probable cause, is heartbreaking. And for the longest time, we have shielded our children from the realities of the outside world, so that they could have a “childhood” but being in a pandemic and the changes going on in the world; the bubble has burst.

It has been an especially sad week here in Ontario, to learn that a little 3 year old girl died because of lack of proper medical attention. She died of a strep infection that could have been treated with antibiotics, but every health practitioner she was seen by, or facility she was taken to, was too busy to see her or only did a cursory examination and no one took what the parents said seriously. Again, this really hit home, because I have young children and parents know their kids best and know when there is something more serious going on. To have that ignored and end up with such a tragedy, is heartbreaking.

And to top off this week, our COVID numbers are creeping back up to levels last seen in May, during the height. And knowing that we are going back into a lock down, really does cause more concern and fear. To hear the rhetoric of Trump on a daily basis. To explain to colleagues, why as a South Asian family, we will not be travelling to the US, in its current state……It all got to be too much!

And so, while I was driving to work today, the despair of this week, was too much and the sadness was too great to contain and the tears started falling down my face. And as I tried to wipe them away, I knew that the tears would be the only relief I would have in that moment, from everything I was feeling. So I stopped trying to wipe them away and let them be.

It is sad, in its truest sense of the word, that we are in this state of the world.

And I pray that things will get better. I pray that we will learn from these experiences. I pray that we will come out on the other side, in a better place, in a better mindset.

I think that’s all I can do today.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Deliberately not listening….

The preface for this is that I was running out of a prescription. I called my pharmacy and they advised that they had not heard back from the prescribing doctor and perhaps I should contact the doctor, to move forward the refill. And so I called….

The receptionist, at the doctor’s office, that answered, advised that indeed, their facsimile machine and emails were giving issues and that requests were not coming forward and so if I provided my information, she could move the request forward.

From speaking to the receptionist on the phone, the voice sounded like she was someone in her late 50’s, 60’s, Caucasian and was a pleasant and friendly person, who liked to engage with people.

And so when I provided her my first name, she complimented me on it and said that it was lovely, to which I responded thank you.

And then I provided her my obviously South Asian last name, to which she responded, “that’s just awful”……….

(pause – how to react? Think this through…)

If I ask her what she meant by that comment, do I jeopardize getting my prescription filled, which I need? Do I just let it slide? How can I comment back in a polite way that will make her understand how WRONG her comment was, on many levels? Will she understand the point that I am making? Will me pointing out the ignorance of her comment cause her to change….will it make a difference?

This is the thought process and problem solving analysis that is undertaken everyday by non-white people. And yes…even in 2020, even with all of social media and news media trying to get people to account for diversity and inclusion – with a lot of people, it is just noise. And apparently, I was speaking to someone who was just not listening to the change in the world around her and adapting. Probably – because she does not have to. At the clinic where she works, the majority of doctors are Caucasian. And others like me, who have encountered her special type of racism, have probably just brushed her comments aside, so that they could book an appointment, get a refill etc….

And I wish I could say that I challenged her. I wish I could say that she heard me, apologized and I still got my prescription filled. But after I did my analysis, I decided that getting my refill and moving this process forward, was more of a priority for me and that I did not have time that day, to educate.

I often do take the time to educate or address uncomfortable moments and comments, but that was not my day. Trust me – it gets tiring…..”are you Hindi and do you speak Hindu” type comments occur frequently and most days, I have the fight. But every so often, you don’t and she happened to come across me on one of those days.

And she is not alone. There are many more “people” like her, that populate the space around me, Canada and especially, our neighbours to the South in the United States of America.

And so when we wonder why the margin is so close leading up to the US election, know that a lot of the Trump supporters are a lot like this “person” I dealt with and they are not changing their ways. They know what they know, consider themselves “good people” and do not mean to be racist but just are. And they continue to occupy spaces that affect others, and so people toe the line, so as not to “move to the back of the line” in the process, that is controlled by this person.

And no surprise…I was notified by the pharmacy the next day, that my prescription was ready. And so I reached my end goal. And for this woman, she continues through her life, believing that she helps people and that she is a good person because she helped me get my prescription filled. But she is also a racist person and that too is a reality. The two are not mutually exclusive.

But I hope that some day, someone or something causes her to question how she operates in this realm of her life and …….the rest is up to her. I hope that she starts “listening”. Because there is plenty to hear!

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

The long and the short of it

I have long hair. My girls have long hair. And as you can imagine, when cleaning, there are a lot of long hairs, throughout the house. But cleaning long hair, in my estimation, is fairly easy to deal with it. If it is a strand, it can be picked up and put in the garbage. Multiple strains; either swept or vacuumed up.

However, short hair is a different kettle of fish. It is much more plentiful, harder to detect and not easy to pick up. Many times, sweeping and vacuuming, still result in uncaught little pieces of hair. It is frustrating, because all of your efforts can be for naught, especially when cleaning, as little hairs, can always be found.

And so for my analogy. Overt racism is much like long hair. You see it for what it is, and you can either ignore it or you can dispose of it. Either way, it is apparent.

Short hair – much like microaggressions, are challenging to deal with. You can spend a lot of time trying to address them, feel like you are making progress and then, there are always a few, hiding or challenging to dislodge.

However, microaggressions make you paranoid and constantly parsing, to determine if what you are experiencing, is just in your mind, or is actually occurring. And they are draining and insidious. And so what do you do? Do you ignore them, confront each one – what is the solution?

The one thing that I have learned, is that people can only make change or learn something new, if that desire is within. And what causes that change? My conclusion -that in order to stay with the times, you have to adapt – out of necessity. For example switching from paying for items with cash, to using a debit card. Probably not ideal for someone not trusting in technology. But as a result of ease, most stores having this technology and especially during the height of COVID, most stores not accepting cash, then change has to be adapted. It is a necessity.

And the same for racist ideology and microaggressions – once there is a change in society, where this type of behaviour is not rewarded, but instead, results in open reprimand for the actions (Amy Cooper from Central Park), only then, will change foster and develop. Because the necessity will be to discard this type of behaviour. Calling out racism in your restaurant, so as not to lose a large majority of your customers – again an economic necessity is driving this change.

Racism is a kaleidoscope. It is always changing and moving and having different permutations. It is only now that we are staring to address and right some of the wrongs transpiring. For instance language – realtors will no longer use the word Master Bedroom, but primary bedroom, given its roots in slavery. How does one describe racist language, which has just been incorporated into normal parlance and only now, is being analysed and being addressed as wrong? Blacklist is another example.

It is such an interesting time to see the move for change. The generation pushing for this change is making such a difference and I thank them for their courage, their voice and their need to make sure that long standing, institutional wrongs, are being addressed and removed or changed. In a year, where our hope has been challenged, it is nice to see hope blooming!

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Apathy and Acceptance

Apathy – lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

Acceptance – 1.the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered. 2. the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group.

I am ashamed to admit that there have been times, where my apathy has been to benefit my acceptance. For this, I apologise. This has been bothering me for some time. With our society currently in a discussion and dissection of systemic racism, I know that there have been moments, where, in order to maintain my position in an organization, I did nothing or was apathetic. And that was to ensure that I was viewed as a part of the organization and not as an outsider.

As I am a woman of South Asian/West Indian descent, feeling like an outsider, throughout my career, has been constant and never ending.

To date, I have never had a superior that was non white, and very few women in the role. As a member of partnerships, I have for many years, been the “only”.

And there have been times, when I have been subject to subtle and overt racism, and sexism, and have said nothing. That’s my burden to bear. However, when I have been silent when watching it occur to peers, that is what I apologize for.

A friend of mine and I worked together for a brief period of time. He is Black. While we worked together, our superior constantly forgot his last name and referred to his last name, as Brown. Get it – because that was the colour of his skin! I forever would correct the superior, but in a polite manner, even though his use of this last name, was not being done politely. It was rude and racist. And even though I was correcting him, and chastising him, I knew that I had to be careful, because if I was too overt about calling this out to be racist, given that he was my superior, that could be the end of my career at the firm. But it has always bothered me, because it was just wrong.

Or when another friend of mine and myself, who was also Black, had to be subjected to this same superior retelling a skit he had seen on the Dave Chappelle show about the N$*#) Family. And this superior took great glee in recounting this skit, word for word, enjoying his use of the N word. I remember again thinking, this is just wrong. Our superior could tell we were both uncomfortable, because he was perceptive, but that fed into the moment of racial superiority and impunity for disgusting behaviour. And again, I was apathetic. I said nothing.

And ultimately, I did not want to be in the presence of this racist behaviour or be associated with it, and I left.

But what makes me so happy about the movement, the changes and the accountability that is going on, is that no one is seeking acceptance to fit in. Apathy is viewed as being complicit and so, you are either for the change and supportive of it, or you are not.

And people are having to rethink on their past (blackface photos, racist posts and language) and having to account for this behaviour.

Because actions from 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago –

people knew right from wrong,

racist from non racist,

sexist from non sexist,

homophobic from non-homophobic… the list goes on.

If I knew and felt at that time, that the behaviour was racist or sexist, then the deliverer of these remarks, also knew. They just knew that they could, because of their place in the hierarchy of power. And now this power structure is being attacked and dissected and being held accountable.

And this is not a bad thing. And because now, I am in a position to hold people accountable, I do. And I will never allow the need for acceptance to result in my apathy. I don’t need to be accepted. I know what I bring to the table. My value speaks for itself.

In the words of Sam Cooke, A Change is gonna come.

But that’s one Diva’s view.

Frustration because nothing has changed

Right now, what is trending is a sketch that Richard Pyor did in the early 1970’s entitled N%&* v. The Police. It discusses police profiling of the Black community in the 1970’s and part of the reason it is trending is because it is as current today in 2020 as it was in the 1970s. And that is where the frustration lies.

We as a society have been paying a lot of lip service to being a part of a diverse and inclusive society. Most organizations have a Diversity Committee in some form, that placates everyone in feeling that change is being addressed. Having a committee and a policy paper is not good enough. We need to make long standing, substantive change. Because this feeling of frustration over lip service is contributing to the anger being expressed right now.

In the last few years, my husband has become frustrated by my naivity in responding – I cannot believe this is happening in 2017, 2018, 2019 or 2020….

And I become increasingly frustrated. I was recently on a panel discussion on Diversity and Inclusion and was the only minority panelist. After every point I made, the organizer and moderator commented on how well I had made my point, which was not done after the points made by my co-panelists.

This took me back to grade 7 when my guidance counselor commented on how well I spoke English. Are you serious? I was born here. Today, I am an advocate and speaking well and making resounding points is what I get paid to do, and the reason I was asked to be on the panel. So I hope that I speak well, notwithstanding the fact that English is my first language. Surprised? My second language is French – remember – I was born here in Canada. My third language is Bengali…..and my knowledge is limited. Digest that.

And so it is that constant scrutiny, analysis and evaluation, that I experience as a minority, that frustrates me on a daily basis. And in speaking with my black friends and peers, I know that the scrutiny and racism that they experience is 100 times to what I experience as a model minority.

But it feels like whatever changes or advances need to transpire, have been slow in coming, just like other changes, such wage equality or breaking into the C-suite. And that’s why I hope that the changes taking place right now, are important and need to shake up the foundations of so many antiquated systems. As a result of COVID, businesses continue to focus on how to adapt and remain economically viable. And there was concern that any focus on advancing change in organizations regarding Diversity and Inclusion, would become lost in the shuffle.

But the roar that is taking place around the world, cannot be ignored. And although I am heart broken on all of the events that contributed to this change, we are here now, at a time where real action and accountability can take place. And hopefully, my frustration will cool down in order to allow my need to be an author of change rise.

Because I make this vow! My children will not, 20 years from now, be angrily saying, I cannot believe this is happening in 2040, 2041 about actions that mimic the 1970’s.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

First day back to work…in the COVID era

Returned back to the office.  It was surreal and quite the comedy of errors. 

I needed to get organized for returning back to working in the office; just when I was starting to get into the groove of working from home

In anticipation of returning to work. I spent the week-end putting away my winter coats, boats and refreshing my closet with my summer and spring attire. Hey – we had snow in May, so it was not laziness motivating this decision, but just being cautious. And the last time I was at the office, I was wearing winter attire. However, when the temperate spiked at 30 degrees Celsius, mid May, that would have been the better time to put away the boots. But again – where was I going? I digress.

To reward myself for my Spring/Summer wardrobe update, I cleaned the house from top to bottom (as I do every week-end), so that this would reduce the guilt I would be experiencing throughout the week for leaving my husband to navigate working from home and taking care of the kids, on his own!

The drive in was easy. I decided to only bring half of the things I had brought home to work from home, back to the office. But there was still quite a lot to bring in.

When I arrived, I realized that the entrance leading to my office had the arrows on the ground walking away from my office. Our new social distancing measures.   As I arrived early, and had a load of stuff, I ignored the arrows and quickly walked to my office without getting caught or running into anyone.  Then I saw an enormous bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk ( a gift to everyone at the office), which I elected to use.  First off, it was not foamy or gel like, but pure liquid in a pump.  And so my outfit got drenched in sanitizer.  And because it had a high alcohol component, I smelled like a gin distillery.   OK  – my punishment for not following the arrows! Note to self; don’t use hand sanitizer before getting into the vehicle – the smell of alcohol is that strong!

The last time I was in my office was at the beginning of April. Since that time, I guess whoever else was in the office and needed a snack, knew that I kept a lot of snack foods at the office.  To put it simply; my snacks had been pilfered.  And the best part were that the empty boxes were left for me (my Costco purchase of Sesame Snacks – just the box, my Celebration chocolates from England – just the container).  OK – another punishment for not following the arrows.  How much punishment did that warrant? 

And then I settled in and have been helping our Summer Students who started yesterday, get oriented. I also experienced working at a desk with a proper chair and support- Ahh Bliss!  

Still doing most of my meetings via Zoom (even internal meetings), and speaking to colleagues with them standing in the doorway. I have been wearing my mask and gloves to navigate the stairs and elevator and have been very careful in my dealings with everyone.

There have been some positives, especially in law, as a result of the pandemic. Our ability to conduct hearings and motion before the Court, remotely, has been a positive. The ability to conduct examinations for discovery remotely has been a positive. However, I think that we are all Zoomed out! But we have to adapt. My kids never used laptops to do school work before the pandemic hit and now, are on them every week day. It is not ideal, but they are adapting.

We are missing just feeling an ease, seeing loved ones and friends and I am looking forward to the slow and steady steps, to transition into our new normal…..until the next wave hits.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

In Honour of James Lipton

As you can see from my past blogs, I love movies and have always been fascinated about the process of making movies.

Directors and actors recounting their experiences in making movies has always been interesting to me and there was no better source for their stories than Inside the Actor’s Studio, by James Lipton.

James Lipton really knew movies, acting and directing.  He understood it, he did his research when interviewing and his show was one of my favourites.  I was sad to hear of his passing but what a legacy he has left.  His interviews are a roadmap for an era in movies, acting and directing and for that I am most thankful.

He always ended his interviews with the same 10 questions.  The questionnaire concept was originated by French television personality Bernard Pivot on his show Apostrophes, after the Proust Questionnaire.

In honour of James Lipton’s passing, and because I never got the opportunity to sit opposite him and dissect my successful career as an actor:

  1. What is your favorite word?  Faith
  2. What is your least favorite word? Docile
  3. What turns you on?  Authentic interest
  4. What turns you off?  Close minded opinions
  5. What sound or noise do you love? Hearing “I love you” from my loves
  6. What sound or noise do you hate? Hopeless crying
  7. What is your favorite curse word? F%&*
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Acting
  9. What profession would you not like to do? Pet groomer
  10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?  You gave back, as much as you received.

James Lipton was a gift that will be missed, but treasured.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Sit down, relax….just enjoy

It is funny how in some aspects, we have evolved and in others, we remain stagnant.  Take the example of the get together or dinner party.

Typically, for women, it is not the relaxing experience expected.  Even though we are about to finish off 2019, when it comes to the dinner party, I still see a lot of the 1950s…..

Typically, when you arrive to a party hosted by a heterogenous couple, the man takes the coats, and then deals with the drinks and then he retires to an area with the other men and they drink, come to get dinner when called, and retire again.

Whereas for women, the experience is different.  The women come in, and if there are kids, deal with getting them settled, hydrated and fed, and then help themselves to a drink and appetizers, all the while, trying to be helpful, by assisting in preparations for the get together, whether it be preparing food, assisting in setting it out, helping with the clean up etc…

Sometimes it can be just as busy, as if one stayed at home, except you get to do it in fancy dress!

We have a rule, that we adopted from friends of ours, when hosting.  When people come over to our house, the rule is – NO HELPING for anyone.  If we are hosting, we take care of all aspects of hosting, including clean up.  We want anyone attending to just enjoy, and genuinely have a night to relax.

And therefore, for this group of friends, the rule is the same – when we go over to their house, they are responsible for the evening and we can attend to just relax and enjoy great company.

I honestly think that this should be the rule for all get togethers and dinner parties.  But sometimes, the cultural component can be a pressing factor.

In our culture, the expectation is that the women deal with the kitchen responsibilities and if one woman is not, then there is talk …..and it becomes an issue.  So instead of it becoming an issue, there has to be a show of helping and contributing, which can get exhausting.

In this day and age, I think that everyone deserves a night out to just relax….and don’t tell me that doing dishes is relaxing for you.  Sit down, grab a drink and really listen and engage in a conversation with someone.

With our busy schedules, and lives, doesn’t everyone deserve a night to just unwind, be with friends, enjoy good food and drink and not have to worry about being judged for being lazy?  I think so.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Songs that have left an impact

I cannot imagine a life without music.  It is a part of my everyday and the emotions that I experience because of music, are essential to my being.   God blessed me with this love and appreciation of music and I am thankful everyday for it.

There are certain songs in everyone’s life, that you will always associate with a moment – either a memory, a time period – but in some way, the song remains with you and will always stir certain emotions.

What are your 5 songs that have left a mark on you?  Can you narrow down your top 5?

My top 5 songs are as follows:

  1. Vaishnava Janato/Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram – Ravi Shankar, The Wren Orchestra- This song plays at the end of one of my favourite movies – Gandhi.  I first heard it when I was 8 years old and the beauty of the song has remained with me.  If I need to be moved and calmed, this is the song for me.  I grew up going to the Mandir and hearing Raghupati Paghava Raja Ram and singing it, but hearing this version, for me, was such a spiritual experience.  My parents both loved this song and it is one of my father-in-law’s favourite Bhajans.   It truly has everything – a beautiful melody, meaningful lyrics and beautiful orchestration.  Coming on 40 years, this song remains an important song to me.  For me – it represents my roots, my spirituality and love.
  2. They Won’t Go When I Go – George Michael – written by Stevie Wonder in 1974 – So many intersections connecting on this song, to make it perfect for me.  Written by Stevie Wonder, who I think is one of the best songwriters and musicians of all time, in the year I was born, sung by one of my favourite singers of all time – George Michael.  This song’s haunting beauty has always resonated with me.  Again, this song never fails to move me and I can listen to it on repeat non stop, without tiring of it.  I remember the first time hearing it and wishing that I could share it with everyone I loved, so that they could experience what I was experiencing, because I knew I would never be able to communicate it.  When I was younger, I dreamed of George Michael singing it to me – just the 2 of us, with a choir in the back, and big grand piano.  I had a very vivid imagination, which really sustained me growing up. That never came to be, but I was fortunate enough to see George Michael when he last came to Toronto in concert, and it was one of the best musical experiences of my life.  The song for me is the embodiment of pathos.
  3. By Your Side – Sade – This was our wedding song, but beyond this, I truly believe that this song was my pathway to finding my husband.  I fell in love with this song when it was released in 2000.  When my good friend and I went to Reading, UK in 2001, to meet up with her now husband, I brought this CD with me and I remember listening to it with them, as their love was rekindling, and becoming resolute in stating that this song inspired me to know what I was looking for in the love of my life.  It became a road map for me to know that until I met someone who made me feel as if this song was written for us, that I could accept no less.  And one of the first presents I sent to my now husband, when we first met, was this CD, because I knew that he inspired the feelings in this song!  It is a song about, for me, that represents what my husband and I feel – that we will always have each other’s back, no matter what!
  4. Everything is Everything – Lauryn Hill – This entire album is an essential part of my musical collection, but this song, it was an anthem for me and remains a song of inspiration.  My brother gave me the CD for my birthday and again, one of the best musical presents I have ever received.  He had just returned from a trip to Ottawa and after he gave it to me, I listened to it non-stop.  This song asks all of the right questions and again, the music and the lyrics speak to me personally.    Take this:

Sometimes it seems
We’ll touch that dream
But things come slow or not at all
And the ones on top, won’t make it stop
So convinced that they might fall
Let’s love ourselves and we can’t fail
To make a better situation
Tomorrow, our seeds will grow
All we need is dedication

5. I’ll be there for you/You’re All I need to get by – Method Man/Mary J Blige – What can I say – Mary J Blige has a voice touched by God and hardship.   You hear it every time she sings.  And this song again is an intersection of so many amazing things – Mary J. Blige, Motown and Method Man.  I love dancing and when I first heard this song in a Club, again, it was one of those moments where I looked around to see if everyone was as uplifted and moved as I was.  Method Man’s rapping is fierce and smooth.  Again – it is a song I requested to be played at our wedding reception because it embodies the joy of finding your true person:

Like sweet morning dew
I took one look at you
And it was plain to see
You were my destiny
With you I’ll spend my time
I’ll dedicate my life, I’ll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you

Those are my songs.  You know from reading my blog, that music is an essential element in my life, as important as breathing to me.  I look forward to seeing how life amends my list going forward and what musical gifts I have yet to encounter.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Sleep, Sleep……

There is a story about a former colleague of mine that I have been thinking about a lot.  This colleague’s wife called in at the office and could not reach her husband.  She asked to speak to his assistant, to determine if he was in Court or at meetings and the assistant said that he was supposed to be at the office but had called in sick.

The wife started thinking all sorts of thoughts because clearly her husband was not home sick.  Her husband was not responding to any calls or emails.  At the end of the day, her husband returned home and the wife was livid.  “Where were you?  What were you up to?”  The husband, realizing that he had been caught, admitted, “I was at a hotel”.  “With who?” asked the wife.  “No one,” replied the husband.  “I just needed a day to sleep.  I needed a day by myself to sleep and not be disturbed.”  And he was not lying.  The couple had 2 young kids at the time and between work and a hectic home life, the husband reached the point where he just needed a day to himself, to enjoy one of life’s greatest comforts – sleep.

I think about that story a lot because honestly, sleep has been a luxury for a while now and moments to have a great night’s sleep are few and far between.  I once did an interview where I said that I would choose restful sleep over an expensive piece of jewelry and I stand by that.  Those that know me know how much I love nice jewelry, so that is saying a lot.

I remember seeing a friend of ours with 4 kids before I had children and just aghast about the permanent black patches under her eyes and thinking how does that happen?  Now with my own permanent black patches – I understand.  There is too much to do, not enough time for you and when you should be sleeping, for some reason, your mind turns on and sleep become elusive.  I have lost the ability to truly disconnect and shut down.

For a long time, I had baby monitors in our bedroom to monitor the kids throughout the night.  My son was 3 and I still had his going, because his bedroom was on the other side of the floor from us.  When I went for my physical that year, I indicated that I was not getting enough restful sleep.  My son is not a restful sleeper and so I would be woken throughout the night with his shuffling and re-adjustments.   My doctor finally said to me that if he was sick or needed something, he was old enough that he could make his way to our room.  She was right and it was something that I knew intellectually but needed her to give me permission to act on it.  I got rid of the baby monitor and for a period of time, I was sleeping well (the body was catching up).

But within the last couple of years, I am that person who is awake, without need, at 4am every morning.  I am not rested, and need more sleep, but my mind turns on and once it is on, that’s it.  And once the day starts, there are no breaks.  The mornings are a combination of preparing for the day, getting the kids ready, and then the day is a blur of work, and with lunch time –  a combination of business development, mentorship and running errands.  The evenings are activities for the kids, working out, getting things organized for the next day, and the cycle starts again.

Sometimes I think about amazing naps I have had in the past ….yes – that’s how much I love and miss sleeping.  When I was in residence in undergrad, I had this huge window in my room and even in the winter, the sun would shine in and warm me to every fibre of my being.  Napping with the sun warming me was blissful.  Typically on the week-end, residence was less busy and so the noise was muted, and there were few interruptions.   Those were good naps…..

But there are cycles for everything – aren’t there?  I know that right now, with young kids, sleep is something that I am having to sacrifice.  But as they get older, hopefully, I will be able to find time for sleep.

I recently had dinner with my group of girlfriends I have met through our career in law.  My one friend indicated that her in-laws decided to take the kids for the week-end and she was left, the afternoon before our dinner, with the house to herself.  Instead of working or catching up on things at the house, she slept.  She slept for 3 hours and she said that it was magical.  Those without kids are probably reading this post thinking – magical – really?  But seriously, when she described her nap and the ability to nap guilt and interruption free, the rest of us, just looked at her enviously and in awe……With everything going on in our lives, all of our accomplishments, listening to a description about a nap was like listening to someone win the lottery.

Looking forward to reacquainting myself again with you nap, sweet nap!

But that’s just one Diva’s view.