Author: divasviewblog

On the week-end, I was in a change room with my daughters.  A woman came up to me to ask if they were twins and I responded that they were and then she asked how old they were.  I advised that they were about to turn 6.  And she responded, “They are tiny”, while standing over them.  And that’s when I got angry, but decided to respond, as little eyes and ears were observing everything, and said that no one had ever referred to them as tiny and in fact, when they were born, they were each 6 lbs.  Probably more information than she needed, but she did not say anything and left.  I continued to change my children, but inside, I was upset.  Do people really have no sense?  And the answer is no!

I guess that I am more attune with this, since I have always been of a “smaller frame”, which is the kind way of saying skinny, thin, slender, skeletal……you name it, it has been said to my face.

And I was about the age of my girls, when I started to demonstrate a smaller but natural frame, which I had inherited genetically from my parents, when they were younger.  And as a kid, being heard yourself described as skinny and constantly being told by family, friends and strangers “to eat” really took a toll.  I have learned to accept that I have a naturally smaller build now, but back then, it seemed to be the only reason I drew attention.  Not because of my talents or successes, but it was a way to define me in a negative way, because too many compliments may spoil the child, you know !

And I really do not want this to be repeated for my children.  If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Especially, when young and impressionable children are listening.  Because as much as my parents made me feel beautiful and loved, the defining mark on me were comments by others on my weight and size and I really do not want my children having that same experience.  And I know that I cannot shield my kids from everything, but I can say, hey world – have some sense and think before you speak.  Be kind and keep your unkind thoughts to yourself.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

I was recently at a business meeting.  Let me preface this by stating that I have not slept properly for a few days, due to my children being sick, waking up in the middle of the night….you name it, I have been dealing with it.  Knowing that I had this meeting, I may have overcompensated with the make-up, which instead of masking my fatigue, highlighted it!  Tip to self – watch more youtube videos on covering dark patches under one’s eyes.

My colleague sitting beside me commented that I looked tired, to which I retorted, that he really needed a course on compliments.  However, my other colleague in attendance commented that I looked like I had a “glow”, to which I suggestively touched my stomach playfully commenting, “well, you know…..”.  We were just bantering in fun, when a senior colleague responded in dismay, “You are not pregnant, are you?  You already have 3; aren’t you done?”

Let’s parse this out, shall we.  Part one; “You are not pregnant, are you?”  As if this was the worst thing that could happen.  As if my senior colleague is privy to my private family  planning discussions with my partner.  As if my senior colleague has the right to be in disbelief.  As if my senior colleague has the right to an opinion on this.

Part two;  “You already have three”.  As if there is a limit on how many children a professional woman can have.  As if 3 is too much as it is.  As if my senior colleague has the right to an opinion on this.

Part three; “Aren’t you done?” As if I am being greedy, selfish, idiotic, (insert any number of adjectives) by suggesting the possibility of a 4th child.  As if my senior colleague has the right to an opinion on this.

All of this in 2017.  And the senior colleague; a she, not a he.   Did that surprise you?

And as I think about how to raise to her, in private, why she should never make the following comments in public, let alone at a business meeting, it just reinforces that we may pretend to be progressive and forward thinking, but at the root of it, we still carry and perpetuate stereotypes, which we still feel free to publicly vocalize.

In this day and age, where we appear to pay lip service to diversity and sexuality, isn’t it ironic that we still cannot wrap our minds around professional woman having a family, and it not being a hindrance to her career?

But that’s just one Diva’s view.