When I was a kid, we had a huge enclosed front yard. In the summer, it was my happy place. I usually walked bare feet in the grass. The yard had a beautiful garden surrounding it and depending on where you were in the garden, you would get the scent of roses or peonies, the smell of the sunshine kissing the ripening tomatoes, the smell of herbs, the grass – it all just was comforting. We now refer to it as nature bathing. But for me, there was an instinctive need to feel a part of nature, which nourished me. It was listening and responding to my inner instinct.

Growing up, my parents insisted that notwithstanding the temperatures outside, we had to spend time outside – either walking along the lake, or at a park, or on a bike ride. In the cold winter, we would go to Centennial Park, because the greenhouse there, would give us a reprieve from the cold before we could drink some hot tea my mom had packed in the thermos.

Today, we are very fortunate to live in an area, where we are surrounded by trails through various greenspaces. And even though we had a sudden change in the temperature this past week-end, and even though we were all tired from hosting Thanksgiving at our house, on Monday, we decided to go for a walk along a new trail 5 minutes away from our house.

My girls and I walked at a more sedate pace, keeping my husband and son in our sight. We took in the changing leaves and kicked them while we walked. We talked about what we are grateful for in our lives and we shared little updates with one another. The colours, the smells, the company – it was all blissful.

At the start of the trail, there were many paths that we could take. As we stood there, pondering our course, the perfect poem popped in my mind and stayed with me for the entire walk:

The Road Not Taken 

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken

BY ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I feel as I am approaching a certain milestone age in my life, that this poem resonates more with me, than when I first read it.

It was a perfect way, to end a long week-end, full of family time and full of great memories.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#Thanksgiving #nature #newpath

Years ago, when my mom and I would go grocery shopping together every Saturday, we popped into this shoe store ( I still remember the store and what it looked like) and I found a pair of wooden open toed heeled sandals, which were an amazing deal. I had never had a pair like them. I bought them and as women know, it takes a while to determine how truly comfortable shoes will be. However, these became my magic sandals. Because they were brown leather and wooden, they practically matched any outfit. And at the time, I was not much of a “shoe person” so finding a pair of heeled sandals that I could wear with anything were truly magical!

At the time, I would take the streetcar to work, and as many public transportation riders know, many mornings start with a dash to the stop so that you do not miss your streetcar and these sandals allowed me to sprint, they were so comfortable. So as soon as the weather allowed, these became my go to footwear.

And they never got scuffed or looked worn – they remained perfect looking. And my feet never hurt wearing them. I loved them so much that years later, when we did our engagement wedding photo shoot, I wore them for the photos and am glad that I kept a photographic memory of these sandals.

But as we learn with time, perfect can break. And one time, I went to put on my sandals, and then heel was dangling off and cracked. I had worn them out. And given the damage, there was no way to fix them. And I was honestly sad. I got rid of them but never stopped missing them.

Fast forward to the era of on line shopping. I searched everywhere for a replica of those sandals because they had never left my mind. And I never found them. I came close and bought a pair on line, but when they were delivered, they were too high and very uncomfortable. The opposite of my magical sandals. And I stopped looking…..

Until a few days ago, when I came across a pair on line that were pretty close, but not the same. And when I saw a discount for them, I decided to give them a try. They arrived yesterday and as soon as I put them on, I knew, my feet knew – these were going to be a very close second.

And when I went to pick up my kids from their evening activity, my daughter asked why I was wearing heels to get them, and I honestly had no good explanation except, I wanted to experience the magic again.

And I wore them to work today and although I have not sprinted in them, I am looking forward to finishing off the summer in style, with some magic on my feet. And this experience truly taught me that when you least expect it, and are not looking for it, magic can happen again! Perhaps lightning does not strike twice, but sometimes, it comes close.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#magic #lifelessons

When I was a baby and toddler, my mother dressed me predominantly in pink. My flower girl dress was pink. Any photos depicting special events usually had me in pink. So when I grew old enough to pick out my own clothes, I rebelled and refused to wear pink. My mom reluctantly stopped buying me pink and I had a pink break.

But pink honestly has always been one of my favourite colours. It is the colour of my favourite flower – peonies and I love all of the different hues. The soft pink that is almost white to the deep dark pink which is so loud and attention seeking.

At Diwali, we always decorate the house with Bright Fushsia Pink and Orange. And right now, with the resurgence of Barbie, that bright pink has become ubiquitous. I have fully embraced “Barbie Pink” and have no issue wearing it, loudly and boldly. I accidentally bought a dress on line months ago that was Barbie Pink, which at the time, I thought was a bit much. But it has become a staple piece of mine this Spring and I am glad that I kept it.

Pink is a colour that looks great on my skin tone and always makes me feel pretty. I understand now why my mom dressed me in pink a lot. Because she designed and sewed clothes, she had a great eye for colour and what worked on people. She knew.

But I also understand that sometimes, we have to come to our own realizations and not have them imposed on us. That has definitely been a character trait of mine. It might take me a little longer, and I might end up where I started, but I need to go through the journey to get there. The journey teaches us a lot about who we are.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#pink #Barbiepink

Friday night. End of a long week. We had been experiencing a really hot week, but the forecast for the following days was predicted to be at least 10 degrees cooler. So when the kids and I got home, I ushered them outside to enjoy the warmth and the last few hours of the day. We took out the patio cushions, and the 3 kids nestled down to enjoy the end of the day, while I took care of dinner.

All of a sudden I heard a yelp and I looked outside and within seconds, the sun had disappeared, it grew dark and it started raining. We quickly rushed to put the patio cushions away. I thought that we would go inside, but the kids had a different idea. After such a hot week, the kids welcomed the rain and broke into this fun song and dance in the rain, truly enjoying the moment. It was so great to watch all 3 of them blissful and although I finally went to get my phone to capture the moment, before that I honestly just stood watching them for a while, just enjoying their pure joy. It was infectious and filled me with such joy.

However, seconds later, I heard another yelp – this time from my son. The rain in a matter of seconds had turned into hail – golf sized hail, which was now pelting my kids. They quickly rushed inside and we watched in awe, as Mother Nature hurdled hail at such an amazing intensity and size, that you could not stop watching.

And then within seconds, the hail stopped and pouring rain took its place. It was intense. But we stood and kept watching the show that was being presented.

The joy turned into wonder and awe. It was a great reminder, especially to me, to really enjoy the joy because in a blink, it can change and if you have fully not enjoyed the moment and were not present within it, you miss it.

And it also reminded me of the wonder of Mother Nature and all that she can deliver – acknowledge and appreciate!

“In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may not have that chance again.”

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#momentsofjoy #blinkofaneye

I was recently asked to speak at an event for Asian Heritage month on the topic of Breaking the Mould at a high school. Here is an excerpt of some of my thoughts that I shared:

I think that my thoughts are best encapsulated in this quote by Socrates, who said:

The Secret to Change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new!

I have to remind myself of that quote from time to time, to ensure that I am keeping my momentum and energy focused in a positive and nurturing way. 

In terms of breaking the mould, I am going to briefly discuss who I am and some of the ways I have had the opportunity to break the mould:

1. Who am I? 

Just by virtue of my background, I broke the mould!

My brother and I, when we were younger, came up with the following identifier:

Indo Caribbean Canadian – let’s break that down.  My father was born in India, my mother in Trinidad and I was born here in Canada. 

Growing up – I honestly did not know anyone with that type of background and in each of those respective communities – the South Asian community, as it is known now, and the Trinidadian community, we stood out as being different. 

And when you are younger – instinctively, you want to fit in and not stand out. 

But from a young age, I learned that I could not blend in and this happenstance of birth was always going to make me different.  So you either fight it or embrace it and I chose to embrace it.

And that goes to the first theme I want you to take away from my talk –

embrace your differences.  In fact – celebrate and highlight them!

Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.

Stephen Covey

That is part of what makes me unique.  I have learned to navigate the world with this lens and it helps me see the world in a different way.  What does that mean – it means I bring a different point of view to any table I sit at, because of this foundational background.  And I don’t shy away from it – I can’t.  Just looking at me, you can tell that I have different complexion.

I have been in an era, where authenticity, celebrating our unique view points and finding commonalities has been emphasized and I am proud to be a part of that – but there is still a lot of work to be done and I see a lot of change continuing with your generation moving through.    

I was proud to have had a lot of firsts – the first South Asian/Trinidadian partner at my previous firm, the first female South Asian/ Trinidadian partner at my current firm, the first female president of the South Asian Bar Association.  And I am happy to have been the first but I want the world to reach the point that when you are ready to join whatever profession or vocation you are interested in, you will be breaking the mould with your excellence and for no other reason. 

And yes – I am an idealist, but trust me I am a pragmatist and I see the world for what it is.  But I also see the world for what it could be – and that’s what I focus on! 

This leads me to my next point –

• Know yourself and define yourself – don’t let other people define you.

You can only break the mould if you are confident in yourself and your abilities.  And that means – putting in the work to develop yourself, your skills so that you can be your best in whatever you pursue. 

When I started thinking about law and pursuing law, and putting this in context, I am speaking about the late 80’s to the 2000’s – I would occasionally hear comments such as lawyers are aggressive and powerful and dynamic – are you?  There were popular television law shows when I was growing up – LA Law, Street Legal that contributed to that view, and there was never a character who looked like me.  #Representation matters!

And the words that were placed to describe me – as a woman and woman of colour – specifically being of South Asian descent are typically – demure, subservient, mild mannered.  But those words did not describe me at all and I was determined to prove people wrong, because in my heart –I knew who I was.  I am a litigator.  An advocate.  I enjoy convincing people to see things from a different point of view and convincing them that my position was the legally sound one.  I knew that from a young age, and I developed my advocacy training in a number of different ways – some purposeful and some by happenstance.  And I think this is important because don’t choose your activities and extra curriculars solely based on what you think will best contribute to your success but also because you enjoy it and want to develop that skill. 

I loved debating and always was a part of any type of debate – that’s pretty obvious for law and litigation.  However, I also loved performing and pursued drama and music (much against my parents’ wishes), which has contributed to me being comfortable in front of an audience and working in a group setting – both important in law.  I have a confession, I have terrible stage fright.  I often, to this day, will shake with nervousness, before starting any type of presentation or oral argument, but then given my training, I am able to harness the nervousness and direct the energy into the work I have to do. 

But knowing myself and defining myself has not been without its bumps.  When I went to law school at Western Law, then known as the University of Western Ontario, I actually shortened my name to Sue so that it was easier for people to say.  And I absolutely hated it.  No disrespect to anyone named Sue, because especially in Law, it is the perfect name!!! But it was not my name.  And so one lesson I learned in Law School was to stay true to me.  Be my authentic self.

And the name issue has remained throughout my tenure in law.  When I got married, my husband has a very short South Asian last name and many at work and within our respective communities for tradition, encouraged me to just take on my husband’s last name.  And I did, but I also kept my maiden name and hyphenated it –TAKE THAT!  Now I had gone and made it harder.  And I was ok with that and was prepared for that push back for a period of time, until it just became accepted.  Because with time, you come to realize that eventually, anything can become the norm and accepted.  I’ll give you an example – I love listening to all of the amazing and diverse names of reporters on television and radio – and that was not my experience growing up. 

So change happens – remind yourself of that when you are in doubt. 

And as a funny anecdote, television law shows changed also.  When I started law school, this fun law show started with its title character being a slim outspoken woman who was constantly under estimated and I felt a kinship to her – the show was Ally McBeal and in fact – my friends started calling me a play on the title character’s name, as a result!

Another time – my knowledge of who I was tested was when I was applying to law firms.  “Advice” that I was given, was to remove my nose ring because firms were inherently conservative work places.  And I thought about it but by that point and having come to terms with my name, I decided that if a firm did not want me because of my nose ring, then it was not the proper environment for me. I knew me.   

And as I have continued my journey in the profession of law, I have found my stride.  I am comfortable being my full self.  I don’t hide the fact that I am a mother of 3, and have a life outside of the office.  Most of my friends, are people who I have known since I was 6 years old and none of them are lawyers.  I proudly celebrate my heritage and culture and take pride educating others on it. 

It has taken time but I have learned that in order for you to be truly happy, it is a cliché, but you have to be true to yourself because by being you, and fully accepting yourself, will you then know how to find success and what that means for you.  

My last point:

• To Break the mould – be surrounded by a great support system

 When I started to pursue law, even from the law school level, there were very few people who looked like me and I knew all of the people who looked different as we found solidarity with each other.   We provided support and cheers, even from afar as we started practicing.

Part of me being able to break the mould was having a great support system.  When I first started law, there were not many South Asian or Trinidadian lawyers.  So, I found lawyers, who did not look like me and came from totally different backgrounds, but were great at what they did and I adopted them as my mentors.  We did not have mentorship when I started Law but my instincts steered me to find amazing people and learn from them, and as a result, they became invested in me, and want to help me succeed because they saw something in me.  They gave me the inside track and view and I figured out what worked for me and what did not.

Golfing – hard no.  Going for long nights of drinking on a continuous basis – not for me.  Writing articles about cases of interest – that worked for me.  Presenting (after I conquered the butterflies) – that worked for me.  Taking clients to exhibits, the spa, nice meals – all what worked for me. 

And as time rolled on, I found a community within the South Asian Bar Association which was established a couple of years after I got called to the Bar.  And I joined their Executive, and eventually became the President.  At the very first gala – we fit into a private dining room at a restaurant.  At the last pre-pandemic gala, the gala was at capacity at the Liberty Grand and the event was sold out.  And many times, when I stumble, need direction, consolation, or inspiration, I turn to my circle.  And they help me move forward.  I have been very careful about who is afforded my confidences and although I have many acquaintances and friends, the true friends and mentors I can count on my hands.  And they are the ones who are angry with me when I have experienced a wrong or injustice and they are the ones who lift me up and celebrate me and vice versa.  And in my opinion, having that circle of people (family, friends, mentors) around you, gives you the support and foundation and confidence to know that you are capable of breaking whatever mould, whatever stereotype, whatever perception is imposed on you. 

And so I go back to the words of Socrates:

The Secret to Change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new!

I look forward to your new and all the change that you will bring – I am excited for your futures!

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

Yes – I am that person. If you have been reading this blog, you know that I love fashion and style, and the first Monday in May – the MET Gala embodies this love. It is a night where a fashion theme is chosen and the attendees pay homage to it. It is also usually the start of May, which selfishly, is one of my favourite months of the year. Not just because my birthday is in May, but because the Cherry Blossoms have started blooming, Spring is in the air and for me, it is reviving!

But let’s go back to that first Monday. I usually have to try and carve time to watch the Red Carpet for the MET Gala, between dinner and getting the kids to activities. I often miss a lot and after a while, just give up and catch up the next day online. And you have to understand, that I have watched documentaries about the MET Gala, and in the lead up, enjoy reading how the theme is going to be interpreted and anticipate who is going to deliver the look of the night.

But, it just so happened that our dinner plans fell through and we decided that since we had a fridge full of leftovers, that was going to be our dinner. And my husband dealt with clean up, dishes and back and forth to activities, so that I could sit on the couch and indulge in my love of fashion.

But this year was different from a more important reason – I had fellow attendees – my girls. And it was so fun watching with them, not just so that they could explain to me who some of the younger celebrities were, but to get a sense of their fashion aesthetic and what we agreed and differed upon. And honestly, they had some great comments. One daughter really enjoyed the Versace interpretations of the theme and said that she would have chosen that designer if she was attending!!!! It was so fun getting their comments and opinions. The other daughter really paid attention to the details – the accessories, the cut of the dress, the colour choices.

As I get older, I find that life is busy and I am not having as much “girl time” with my friends, because we all have other things going on. But last night, I have girls’ night at home, with 2 of my favourite girls of all time and it was perfection.

Those are those moments – unexpected, perfect and soul filling.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#METGala #girltime

Yesterday, I had the privilege of instructing other lawyers about appellate advocacy. I had the privilege of instructing with other Court of Appeal, Superior Court, Court of Justice Judges and senior members of the Bar. I really enjoy days like this. I feel like I am truly part of a community – a profession coming together on a cold and rainy Saturday, with torrential winds, to exchange ideas and help each other.

Whenever I have moments like this, I make sure my mom is a part of the moment. Since she is no longer here, I feel like I have her support when I wear something that she gifted me or used to belong to her and was passed down to me, and yesterday was no different. I chose an outfit the night before, ensuring it was ironed and ready to go with accessories. That morning, with the rain, I decided I needed boots and I had not worn a pair of beautiful black boots my mom had given me in a while.

My mom gave me these boots in high school. We did not have a lot of money for frills growing up, but my mom always found a way through her sewing and good eye, to ensure that my brother and I were well dressed and presented well. She taught me not to dress with trends, but with what suited me and looked good on me. When I was in high school, all the girls had these gorgeous leather boots, and I knew we did not have the money for them, so I did not ask, but my mom knew. My mom, years ago and before I was born, had worked at Simpsons, the premier department store in Toronto. She purchased a lot of great items there, including a pair of black leather boots, with a gorgeous fur like lining. She really took care of those boots and kept them polished and in great condition.

So in high school, when she saw all the girls wearing great boots, she decided to pass the boots down to me and I loved those boots. They were honestly the nicest footwear I had ever worn. However, the calves were way too big for me, but thankfully, if I wore jeans or narrow pants, they looked just right and I carefully picked the occasions when I would wear them and show them off.

I remember wearing them to go out with my mom once, and a woman stopped me and offered me cash for the boots. I looked at my mom and she gave me a look that said, “I told you”. She knew how great the boots were, and of course, I thanked the woman for the compliment, but politely declined her offer, no matter how tempting.

Through the years, I have selected when to wear the boots but with the pandemic and changing my commute, I have not worn the boots in a while. The last time I had worn them, they were still a little bit big and needed me to wear thicker leggings or skinny jeans with them. But yesterday, I was wearing a dress and I thought, let me just see if they will work with my look.

I had them at the side of my closet, with boot fillers within them, so there are no creases in the height of the boot. I pulled them out, and put them on and…they fit like a glove.

And I felt like crying, because my legs were the same size as my mom when she first bought them and I felt a real connection with her. It was a special feeling and carried me through the day. My mom and her pieces always give me extra confidence and I needed that yesterday.

And when I came home in the afternoon, one daughter came to the door and I told her that I was wearing grandma’s boots and she was impressed. And I was so happy to complete the moment by saying that one day, she and her sister would get the boots to cherish and keep the connection going.

My heart was full.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#connection #thesebootsaremadeforwalking #missyoumom

So we are at that time of the year, where end of the year evaluations are being submitted to determine remuneration, salary and advancement. Typically, these evaluations are a summary of contributions for the past year and explanations of how one excelled at what they did, but also how one contributed to the betterment of their place of employment.

But let’s be honest – why do we go through this exercise?

I was at a conference recently, and one of the big repeats throughout the day, was the “myth of meritocracy”. Just hearing the term gave me permission to feel justification in past feelings, felt. We have all seen it time and again, more times than naught, work performance and abilities do not count as much in moving up the ladder. Cue – sponsors or allies.

When one has a sponsor, in upper management, who sees one’s potential and wants to champion and advance you, in my opinion, this has far more weight than one’s abilities. And the problem is that often Champions only sponsor people they feel an affinity for; they see themselves in that person. And so if management is comprised of the management team in “Mad Men”, the likelihood of finding a sponsor for many becomes far slimmer. The myth of meritocracy.

I say all of this because another issue which was raised at the conference was the idea of published metrics for companies. Forcing companies to start being accountable with metrics to show that the “Mad Men” hierarchy is not being perpetuated but changed with diversity and resulting in work places reflecting today’s society. It sounds ideal, but it is still a work in progress.

But speaking of metrics, wouldn’t it be great if during the course of evaluations, there was a magical metric to measure the unnecessary extra energy non “Mad Men”, spend during the year, trying to get the same traction as the “Mad Men”, and there was a way for this be accounted for in the evaluations? If there was a scientific way of measuring individual energy levels for the year and out of that, what was unnecessarily spent, explaining or justifying worth, even when that was evident with performance; how amazing would that be?

So many conversations constantly justifying contributions and worth; exhausting. Constantly feeling opposed. Feeling a lack of support. Tiring! However when those same positions are presented by someone “less polarizing”, then it is instant acknowledgement and applause. What if those moments of frustration and anger could be measured, acknowledged and factored? Game changer.

And yes, this is all very dramatic and untenable, but this energy waste in tangible and draining. And so, if those additional hoops were accounted for as a metric, then I think that there would be a valid reason to change the approach taken by many managers. Because if the metric of wasteful time needed to be compensated by other means – salary, promotion etc.. then this would definitely be scrutinized more and I guarantee you that a different approach would be taken. Mic drop.

And trust me, with the increased use of AI, perhaps there can be an implementation of more objective and concrete metrics, which properly apply a meritocracy approach and we can rid ourselves of the belief that it is a myth? Mind blasting!

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#mythofmeritocracy #metrics

So we had another snowy day. But this one was different than the last. We experienced a mix of freezing rain and snow that resulted in a very heavy snowfall to clear. To the credit of our Town, the roads for our tertiary street were cleared over night (very unusual) and we had a mound of snow piled up at the end of our driveway, to start our morning. But we also had a great start to our morning, because our next door neighbour, while clearing his driveway with his snow blower before work, cleared the sidewalk in front of our house, which was super nice.

We also had a snow day and schools were closed. So, the kids were home. We decided to make scones for breakfast, to make it special and then after we had checked our schedules for the morning, and after we had carved out some time, decided to tackle the snow removal.

Now, we have a snow blower but you will recall from my previous post on our last snowy day, we did not use it because we were clearing snow later in the evening that day. However, this time, it was mid morning and no one would be disturbed. This heavy snow needed a snow blower or the Rock to clear it. And so my husband went to power up the snow blower and ofcourse, it would not start; the engine just would not catch. And so, we decided to clear the snow on our own. And I will be honest, I was glad that I did not work out that morning, because the snow was heavy and icy and it was a definite workout. And the energy being put out, was not resulting in the same snow removal momentum as last time. But we kept at it.

While I was attacking the end of the driveway, I saw one of my neighbours down the street get stuck trying to back out his car. And so, my husband went over to help him and his brother push the car. While they were doing this, another neighbour joined to help and they were able to get the car clear and our neighbour went off to work.

When my husband returned, we resumed snow clearing and realized this was a bigger task than we had anticipated, especially, without the snow blower. So we decided to take a break, return back to working and then would go out later in the afternoon.

In the afternoon, while working, our door bell rang, and our retired neighbour from across the street, stopped by. He told us that he had seen us having issues with our snow blower and offered to do clear our driveway. My husband said he would try one last time to get our snow blower started and if not, we might take him up on his generous offer. And so, we trekked back outside and ofcourse, the snow blower would not start. And we started clearing it again with shovels and realized, we needed the help. And so after having his tea, my neighbour came over and plowed our driveway. When my husband offered him a box of tea as a thank you, my neighbour declined and said that being neighbours means helping one another; that’s what it meant to be a good neighbour. Wise words.

And while my husband was outside, he and another neighbour helped our other next door neighbour clear his driveway and they all caught up with one another. Clearing snow is a bonding experience.

And honestly, it reminded me again why we are so fortunate to live on the street that we do, surrounded by the amazing neighbours that we have. We all help one another. We all care about one another and we all look out for one another. That’s a pretty amazing community to be a part of. With all of the issues going on in the world, it is nice to know, that on our little corner of the street, we have neighbours from all different backgrounds, who have created a community that makes everyone feel included and engaged, especially on a snowy, freezing rain kind of day.

But that’s just one Diva’s view.

#Snowy Day #Community